This past weekend, we were lucky enough to take part in the comeback of Camp Bisco. Bassnectar said it perfectly when he took the main stage for his headlining performance: “To all you Hudson Project veterans and loyal Campers, this is your revenge.”
There was a slight scare after Manic Focus’s performance on Sunday when torrential rain and thunder temporarily postponed the last day of festivities, but the festival gods were smiling down on us, cleared out the clouds, and gave us an incredible double rainbow to enjoy during the last hours of sunshine. Anyways, there are far too many stories and moments to jam pack into one article (check out our coverage of the Best Song at Bisco), so we’re thinking about spreading out some of our coverage. To kick it all off, we assiduously took notes throughout the fest and spoke to hundreds of Campers to create a hilarious collection of quotes that were said during the weekend. Enjoy this, readers, you’re in for a kick.
“Dude!!! My porta potty doesn’t flush. I think it’s broken!”
Shia Labeouf totem in hand – “JUST DOOO ITTTT!!!”
“You know what, fuck it, LET’S DO IT” – girl purchases $150 dollar moon mat.
“I don’t like cocaine, just the way it smells.”
“I think something is leaking on my cot. Probably my butt.”
“There are so many lights. I can’t figure out which ones are the cops.”
I said to some dude in the wee hours of the morning “Top of the morning to ya!” He freaked out and yelled at me for stealing his line.
“I like how all of the security guards are black and are corralling white people and telling them what to do. I like the social flip and the justice of it. It’s like 1/87th of a Tarantino revenge film.”
“SCANTRON! UNIVERSE! MOMMY I WANT COOKIES!” – Guy tripping face in the medical tent right before they put him to sleep.
“Did you see Freddy Todd slurpin’ it up at the Disco?” … “No, but I’m pretty sure Freddy’s grandpa closed out the festival! Sluuurrrrrrrp!”
“Do you guys have a boofrig?”
“Get your duct tape, roofies, wet pants here…all for $10 bucks!”
“That Skrillex set was sickkk brooo.”
“I could seriously snort confetti I love it so much!”
Dude 1: “I’m on probation.” Dude 2: “I’m on drugs.”
“I stuck a gobstopper in a girl’s ass last night. She passed out with it in there. Pretty sure it dissolved inside her.”
“Rabies – 2 for $5!”
Dude screaming at the top of his lungs while going up the hill: “WHO THE FUCK PUT CAMP BISCO ON A MOUNTAIN? I WANT THE OTHER VENUE BACK. WHAT THE FUCK? AAHHHHHHH *screaming* ”
“THUMBS UP! ELBOWS BACK! KNEES BENT! FOOT UP! Oogachuckah Oogachuckah!”
“I’m forming sentences from other people around me.” -Spunion #545
“Holy shit is that a Rice Krispie treat…made out of fruity pebbles?! I’m tripping balls and that shit is blowing. my. mind. It’s like every color is RIGHT THERE!”
“DAD?! DADDD!? WHERE R U DAAAAD?!?!”
“I feel like a floppy metal board.”
In response to every time someone jokingly approaching me and my giant spoon…..
Them : “Ohh damn that’s a big ass spoon! Let me take a bump off that!”
Me : “You Fill it! We kill it… Sharing is caring!”
“I just wiped my butt and the paper came back red, I think I did too many drugs last night.”
“YO I GOT A TOOTH FETISH, COME OVER HERE!”
“Everyone has 2 nipples. But, ya know, some people have 3 or 4.”
“Ladies don’t boof, they voof.”
“Guys hurry! They’re over there selling ice cold blowjobs for $5!”
“Rocks are crazy in Pennsylvania man! They’re just like, so big!”
“DAD!!!!!! WHERES MOM AT! MOM THE FUCKING MEATLOAF!”
“Why are you trying to use your brain when you don’t have one? That makes no sense!”
Kid walks by and says: “Don’t trip.” Response: “Three daze too late mate.”
“WAKE UP AND SLEEP!”
“What time is it?” Response: “Think less about the time and more about the sleep.”
“I was really scared to go down the big waterslide but I figured if I could try L this morning I might as well just do it.”
Someone tapped me and my friend and said, “Excuse me, you dropped your clam!”
“Is this yellow? Are we yellow? Is it yellow here and there (points)?.”
My girl and I were tripping in the wave pool all day Friday pretending to be mermaids and someone brought in tons of rubber crayfish and people were throwing them screaming “lobsters” and we yelled back “those are crayfish!! KNOW YOUR CRUSTACEANS!!” And then we started calling people from across the pool using the crayfish as a phone.
“Diet free on the rocks, no ice.”
“If you boof it, it’s free!”
“Wait! Wait for me! I can’t get through!! I’m trapped by the lights!”
“10 strip pool shits.”
“I hope there’s no pee dye in this pool.” -everyone at Jauz
On Wednesday night no later than ten minutes after I set up camp, roughly around 3am, I walked up to the Porta Potties. I saw a guy standing by himself in the grass patch in front of them, and he was muttering quickly to himself “rock paper scissors, rock paper scissors.”
I ask some dude for a lighter. He’s about to hand it to me then he takes it away, waves me close to him, lights the flame and says, “Hey man, pretty girls never light their cigarettes alone.”
My friend found these guys at a camp site triumphantly, and dizzily, holding a massive dead rattle snake. He walks up to them and asks “how’d you kill that thing, I heard you’re supposed to behead them” Some tripped out homie mutters to him “nah man, we just beat the shit out of it.”
Guy- “You dropped your clam.” Me- “No I didn’t.” Guy- “You just gonna leave that clam sitting there?” Me- “Sure am but you can have the pearl!”
Subset was playing a pop-up set at the RV lot and it was this weird tipper-esque trip-grime future fart dub music. My friend wakes up in his chair outside and says “Dude …this music sounds like ketamines.”
“YOU GOT ANY SQUID BOY?!”
“How many wooks does it take to unite a knot?”
“Do you guys mind if we do drugs over here?” I lost it when my neighbors asked me that.
I told a security guy that I was going to knock him out and ride him down the water slide because he was being an asshole to people. Shut him up real quick.
We were at Mr.B’s store. He was tripping TOOOO hard. He has a handful of money in his hand but cant move his hands. He asked the clerk for blunt wrap, looks at me, and goes “PAY FOR ME I GOT THE CREDDDDD” in the tweakiest voice ever heard. Had to be there to understand, but I was fucking crying.
“Who put these holes in my belt?! WHO PUT THESE HOLES IN MY K?!”
“Here take this tessla and blotter no charge.”
“Nah. On Friday. Cat’s comin out to play. Cat’s comin out.”
“Fuck man, forgot I had a beard.”
“Hey spacey, we’ll trade you a burger for something.” I run on over, “I have molly and blow, take your pick.” He responds, “Ohh I didn’t mean drugs…” I respond, “So I could have given you my bubbles for a burger? Aww now I really want to give you my drugs!”
“I feel like Stewie trying to trade his shirt for a grilled cheese. I’ll trade you this wet towel for some dry clothes…anybody?”
Security walks up to a group of tripped out homies sitting on the rock wall and yells at them to get off. Dude asks “why dude, I don’t understand.” Security guard responds “because the snakes fucking live in their and have been biting people all night.” And the pee flowed.
Well, there you go. If you feel like you heard something that deserves to be in this article, don’t hesitate to email firstname.lastname@example.org. Also, if you have any crazy footage or stories you’d like to share, either join the official Bisco Group, or send us a message.